Marlee's First Day of School

So much has happened since my last blog post before Marlee's first day of school. Our anticipation of that dreaded day continued this summer until the morning of August 12th when I was sure I had no more tears to cry and was as ready as I could be to take Marlee to MOSD. Greg took the day off of work, so we could spend the day in Germantown (as close to Marlee as we could be) together. The best part of the day for me was dressing Marlee in her new school dress and taking pictures.

Marlee the elephant :)

We arrived at MOSD and met Marlee's teacher, Ms. Abby. We stayed in the classroom for a few minutes until Marlee seemed comfortable.

Marlee with her teacher, Ms. Abby.

Right away she found an elephant book that she loved!

When we left her classroom, we slipped into the observation room where we stayed and watched until 10:30 that morning. Marlee did not cry too much the first day, she was just unsure of everything that was going on. We watched as Ms. Abby showed Marlee her cubby and they did a few activities, and then as Ms. Katie came to get her for her first therapy session.

My brave girl walking down the hall to speech therapy with Ms. Katie. 

One of my favorite things about MOSD is that parents are encouraged to stay and observe as much as possible. Observing has given me great insight into what Marlee is doing at school, so I can reinforce the learning at home. Plus, I can not even explain how much fun it is to be a "fly on the wall,"and watch all she does at school!

Marlee did get upset at snack time on that first day because they combined classes and went to Ms. Sue's room next door to eat. It was hard to watch her upset, but soon the Oreos on the school bus snack seemed to make it all better.

Then they went back to Ms. Abby's room to make a school bus craft. 

We watched Marlee in her 2nd therapy session and then left before they went to recess. It was a long day of waiting to go back and pick up my girl. 

The first day was an overall success, but it was a terrible night knowing I had to take my baby back the next day. The thought of my days at home with Marlee suddenly coming to an end was overwhelming. I was desperate for her to be home with me the next morning watching Sesame Street. I also knew the second day would not go as smoothly as the first because Marlee would know what was coming, and I was right. 

She pretty quickly attached to Ms. Abby, but transition times when she had to leave Ms. Abby to go to her therapy sessions were very difficult. There were days when she cried the first hour. Days where she cried through both therapy sessions. Days where she cried through recess. And days where she was teary all day. I stayed and observed as much as possible, and always stayed in Germantown. I did not want to come home to my empty house, and I wanted to be near her. The only way to describe the first three weeks is HARD! 

This is not what I signed up for. My plan as a stay at home mom did not include getting up and driving 45 minutes in rush hour traffic to take my not yet two year old to school every day, observing her in her classroom where she is sometimes happy and sometimes crying, filling my afternoon with errands to stay busy (on the days I'm not working), picking her up, driving back home, unpacking her bag, making her lunch, and doing it all again the next day. 

THIS is real life. This is certainly not my fairy tale of staying home with my baby girl until she is school age. This is overwhelming. This is exhausting.

This is also necessary. I could pull her out of school, have a therapist come to our house once a week, and hope for the best (believe me, I have thought about doing that), but that is not what Marlee needs. Marlee has a disability that does not even have to be a disability after she graduates from MOSD. Marlee needs this school. She needs this school 5 days a week, 7 hours a day. She needs her teachers. She needs her therapists. She needs me to make every sacrifice I can possibly make to ensure she is fully equipped for the rest of her life. 

Sending Marlee to school has been the most difficult part of this journey. Through all of the doctors' visits, bad reports, and a first year of so many uncertainties, Marlee was always right there with me. Everything was going to be ok because I still had my Marlee beside me. This time is different. This time, I have to let her go because being right beside me is not what is best for her. The Lord reminds me that she is not mine to hold on to, she is His. This may not be easy, but this is His plan for Marlee's life. It is His best plan for her life, and He is teaching me to trust Him.

When I Leave

I am a school person. I love everything about it and always have. As a student I loved my teachers, my friends, school supplies, reading, learning, and (don't tell anyone) but I didn't always dread studying. As a teacher I loved my students, textbooks, setting up a classroom, planning activities, and so much more.

My first day of 1st grade

I should be thrilled that my little girl is about to enter the wonderful world of school, but I'm not. I'm not ready. You see, sending Marlee to school means she won't be with me. Today, I saw every expression and heard every sound she made. I know everything she ate and drank. I could tell you every toy she played with and each book she read. Soon, I won't be able to tell you those things, because on Monday through Friday from 8:15 to 3:00 she won't be with me.

I know she will be in a wonderful place with teachers who will love and take care of her. In fact, she will be exactly where she needs to be. It is just hard to accept that where she needs to be is not with me.

This was the first day of school last year. The best part - Marlee wasn't going to school, she was staying home with me!                 

     

                                                          

I don't want Marlee to be in school before her second birthday when she should still be learning by playing. She should be at home with me, in the kitchen, on walks, in the car, in the grocery store. 

It should be just the way it is now, not for forever, but for longer than this. I need more time to be with my girl. After this, there is no going back. She will be at MOSD until kindergarten and then in school through college. The 5 years I thought I would have at home with her, at least on most days, would have been short enough. I feel like that precious time is being snatched away. 

Please don't for a second think I feel sorry for myself. I have been blessed to stay home with my healthy, active, growing little girl for the past 21 months. Many moms never have that opportunity. I enjoy every moment and have never wished it away or taken it for granted. Also, I know there are families who move to other states just to put their child in a school like MOSD, yet we are within driving distance. Not to mention that years ago, parents sent their deaf children away to boarding school. Oh, there are many blessings. Marlee will be exposed to much more at Memphis Oral School than I could ever teach her at home. She will make friends and most importantly, establish a foundation in language that will set the course of her life. The truth is, I would be heartbroken if a school like this did not exist. 

It is just that this summer has seemed like a countdown to one the happiest seasons of my life coming to an end. So often after a fun summer day, I have cried myself to sleep because we are one day closer. I don't doubt the Lord's sovereignty in all of this. Just as His best plan for Marlee's life has included the loss of her hearing, this school, is also part of that plan. MOSD has been and will continue to be one of His greatest blessings in our lives.

I know this truth and will trust that although my plan for my time with Marlee looked much different, I am simply not the one in control. He has been faithful and more than good in every step of this journey even when I, as I do now, desperately wished things were different. He will continue to show Himself good and faithful because that is who He is. 

So from now until August, the school lover in me will read Marlee books about school, pick out sweet back to school outfits (you can't have too many of those, right?), and think about what I will send her for lunch. I will pray for Marlee's transition to school, and pray that I will trust The Lord enough to send her each day with a thankful spirit rather than selfishly wishing I could keep her home with me.

Then on August 12th, I will carry Marlee into her classroom, pry her from my arms, and leave. I'm not sure how I will do it, but as I was reminded in a song I heard recently, I will not leave her alone. When I leave the room, I will leave Jesus with Marlee...and His arms are much safer than mine.

Marlee Goes to the Library

I loved trips to the library when I was a growing up and have dreamed of, some day, taking my little girl. I first took Marlee a few months ago, and while she had a blast, all I did was follow her around picking books off of the floor after she cleared the shelves! She LOVES to sit and read at home, but on that day there were too many distractions to sit still for a even a minute! 

Today, we tried it again! This time I took my mom for reinforcement, and we went during story time for a little structure. It was everything I've dreamed since first watching Kathleen Kelly (Meg Ryan) read to the children during story time in her bookstore, "Shop Around the Corner" in my favorite movie, "You've Got Mail." Maybe not quite as charming as being in a quaint book shop in New York City's upper west side, but for now, a back room in the Olive Branch library will have to do!

It was the first time I've ever watched Marlee really participate in planned activities, and it felt like a preview of how she will do in preschool this fall - a topic that can easily bring me to tears! Watching her sitting on the carpet listening, standing up dancing to the music, and concentrating while coloring a picture of a puppy was a sweet little reminder from The Lord that she really will love school.

Although, I admit, rather than leaving her with a teacher at school, I would prefer to be the one sitting right behind her as I was today. There so she can come to me when she is feeling nervous or just can't sit still anymore. I'm afraid I may be the mom at MOSD that the teachers can't convince to leave and go home. Sadly I will have to leave, but I will go knowing she is in the best hands...even though I wish they could be mine.  

And who knows? Maybe they will let me come and read a book for story time!

Here are some pictures from our fun day!

We even met a little boy with cochlear implants and already attending MOSD. Small world?!

Dibble Dibble Dibble Dop

...that's the sound, in Marlee's favorite book, "Mr. Brown Can Moo, Can You?," that Dr. Seuss says rain makes as it drip drops to the ground. Running bath water, on the other hand, makes a much louder sound. A sound Marlee just heard for the first time last week!

We take Marlee's implants off before bathtime because they cannot get wet. She sees the water running (and loves it) but doesn't hear it. We did not realize she had never heard the water until she stood by the bathtub with her implants on last week. When Greg turned the water on, her eyes became as big as saucers, and she quickly backed away. She was nervous until we showed her what the noise was and let her feel the water.

The next night, when Greg started her bath water, I was playing with Marlee in her room. Through her bedroom wall she heard the water come on and, again, startled. She gave me a puzzled look and immediately pointed to her ear - telling me that she wanted to know what was making the sound. I took her to the bathtub so she could see it was the same noise she heard the night before.

I hope I always remember the, usually apprehensive, look on Marlee's face when she hears something new. I love watching her make connections as she intently points to her ear. Watching her discover sounds will never cease to amaze me. I pray Marlee will never take her gift of hearing for granted - I sure don't!

                      Splish Splash!!

18 Month Update

I don't know how it happened so quickly, but it did! Today, I have an 18 month old baby who seems more like a toddler every day!

Marlee's latest stats:

She is 25 lbs., 31 inches.
Wears 18-24 month clothes and size 5 shoes.
Began walking at 17 months and has not looked back!
Recently decided to feed herself cheerios in the morning all by herself with a spoon!

Has some sweet curls :)

Marlee's favorites:

Sesame Street

Mickey Mouse Clubhouse

Reading books! Especially, "Mr. Brown Can Moo...Can you?"

Dancing every time she hears music!

Flipping through her mommy's magazines :).

"Coloring" and perusing coloring books!

Carrying around any type of bag like it is a purse...often while pushing her shopping cart. 

Going on wagon rides with her cousin Hunt.

Playing with her alphabet blocks - examines them, hides them, stacks them, and pretty much plays with them all day!

Laughing at her daddy! She LOVES her daddy!

Oh and playing peakaboo!!!

When Marlee is not doing these things, you will likely find her waving and saying "bye-bye", pointing at things excitedly while saying something that sounds like "that", and "mooing" when she sees a cow! 

You may not see her smiling in a stroller when she would rather be walking, while getting her diaper changed, or when we leave her in the church nursery. You also will not find her sleeping all night :).

We are amazed at all Marlee is learning and doing. Recently, her "listening" age jumped four months in just one. Her occupational therapist told us that she has never seen a child make so many improvements in such a short amount of time. In fact, that therapist will start coming monthly instead of weekly just to check up on Marlee. We cannot say enough wonderful things about cochlear implants and the way they have changed Marlee's life in every way - not just hearing- in only 5 months! 

Marlee, you are our joy!

We love watching you grow and learn! 

Thank you for being our happy little girl!

Fun with Playdough

Yesterday, during therapy at MOSD, Marlee helped make play dough. They made all sorts of shapes using cookie cutters. Marlee mimicked an airplane flying and a bunny hopping. She even made noises like Mrs. Nathalie was making with the airplane and the bunny. 

She was engaged and had so much fun! She sat and played for half an hour and was not happy when play time was over.  

Why is it, though, that when we play with play dough at home all she wants to do is eat it?

Maybe it was being buckled into the cute little just-her-size chair. We need one of these at home and the table too! They use these chairs in the two year old class at MOSD. You should see them all buckled in at the table listening to their teacher. It's precious!

Well, whatever the reason for the excellent behavior, I'm onto her now! Next time we play at home,  I will expect nothing less than playing with, not eating, the play dough :).

Ling Sounds

Over the last year, Marlee has had speech therapy in our home once a week. During each session the therapist conducts what is called the Ling Six Sound test.  It is a quick listening test created by Daniel Ling who was a hearing loss "guru".

"The Ling-6 sounds represent various different speech sounds from low to high pitch (frequency). They help to test your child’s hearing and to check they have access to the full range of speech sounds necessary for learning language." This quote came from Cochlear's website.

                                          Here are the ling six sounds: 

These sounds are a good, quick way to test hearing because they are all found within the speech spectrum and span from low to high frequencies.  It is often used as a way to make sure hearing aids or cochlear implants are working correctly. In our case, we first began using the test to see if hearing aids were providing Marlee with any speech sounds. The goal in the Ling 6 test is, of course, to turn to the sound when it is made. Marlee was tested weekly but never turned to any of these sounds consistently with her hearing aids. She turned to "ah" a couple of times, but nothing to indicate she was always hearing that sound. 

After Marlee's implants were activated, we continued the test each week during therapy. Slowly but surely she began turning to some of the sounds. It was SO exciting to see her turn after months of seeing her continue to look strait ahead, not hearing a sound. On January 16th, Marlee turned to ALL of the Ling sounds!!! That's a big deal! Four months earlier she was not hearing any sounds, and now she is hearing even the soft sound of "s". 

The next week during therapy, I videoed the Ling 6 test. We owe a big thank you to our sweet therapist, Miss Elizabeth, for all of her hard work with Marlee!! We love when she comes to see us each week! 

Here are the six, short videos:

                      

So, now that Marlee is turning to these sounds does that mean she's good to go? The answer to that is not at all! Hearing the Ling six sounds is big step that suggests the implants are giving her full access to sound, and now we can start concentrating on all of the complexities that go along with learning to listen and to speak. Listening will never be normal or come naturally to Marlee, but that is why we will continue therapy and she will soon begin going to school five days a week. Turning to these six sounds is one of the first of many miracles we will experience as Marlee progresses through her hearing journey!